Kidney of Lightness

Captain's log Stardate: 10212015

We found him! By Hulk Hogan we found him!

I stealthed my way down to the dock this morning, my senses constantly vigilant for any threat. After rendezvousing with the captain and stopping for fuel we were on our way into the murky, unmapped interior. They say some of these tribes are untouched by modernity and headhunters and cannibals still abound. With no sense of what lay ahead except constant danger the captain, Fred, and I ventured forth into the unknown jungles of Guyana.

The journey there was perilous, there were several villages between us and Calcuni. At each one the locals, mesmerized by our boat that glided across the surface of the water unaided by oar. Some of these tribes even attempted to swim out and greet us. But without a local translator we would have no idea whether they meant us harm. I decided the risk could not be taken and boldly pushed forward into the dark and might waters of the Berbice river.

With Calcuni in our sights and us only moments away, disaster struck. We were being followed. Perhaps it was a shadowy criminal organization, or a shadowy government organization but one thing was for sure. They were shadowy and they were following us. I quickly pushed the captain out of the way and took control of the boat. I veered left and then right each time pressing the button on the throttle to release our 5 kiloton depth charges.

The enemy boat struggled to keep up and weren't expecting an attack. The resultant explosions rocked their craft and sunk it almost immediately. With piranhas and caymans abound in the water, the crew didn't last long. We reached the Calcuni Health Center dock unmolested and disembarked. After appropriate bribes to the village chieftain they revealed our missing American's location.

We hiked in and found the missing volunteer simply resting, relaxed on his front stoop and blissfully unaware. After a quick exchange of coded phrases involving Back to The Future and what date Doc and Marty travel to the future in I checked in with the volunteer making sure everything was copacetic. He gave me series of whistles and coded blinks that indicated he was okay. Then he showed me around his little village, the school for 16 kids, his home made volleyball court, and his health center. It was quite a nice little place in the middle of the jungle.

Fred and I made our way back to the dock and, to the chorus of children's voices begging us to stay and continue to better their lives, we left.

The way back was uneventful. We cruised on home just in time to catch a breeze and have a few Banks beers at 11AM.

(90% of this is untrue and 100% of it is embellished to make me look cool.)